Posts Tagged ‘sacrilegious’

Is this the New Bible?

Posted 26 Jul 2012 — by admin
Category Reviews

“Leonard, are you telling me that some church published another bible, adding to the already crowded shelves of religious books?”

“Yes, I am.”

“You’re telling me with all the biblical revisions and updated versions, another bible preaching good and evil adorns my local bookstore or my library?”

“Yes to another bible, no to bookshelf space. I downloaded the new super duper bible named Bunny Bible (Church of the Animated Bunny) by Terrence747, onto my Kindle from Amazon.com.”

Fear not, fellow Biblicists. The ‘Bunny’ part of the name should quell any thoughts of punishment by fire and brimstone, reducing God’s wrath to a warm and fuzzy feeling. There’s even a priestly picture of Terrence, the spiritual rabbit, on the cover, wearing an Eastern Orthodox mitre and holding a menorah. His floppy ears are visible, not tucked under the mitre. Terrence wants to make a statement that rabbits also are capable of being ordained as priests.

Those of you who know about me, know I’m a biblical kind of guy of the Hebrew Testament variety. I take my religion and bible reading seriously. When I saw the Bunny Bible, with a sacrilegious animal standing in for a priest, a rabbi, and an imam, I was infuriated. Hey, Mister Terrence, you’re making fun of sacred text. I did not back away. I read it to determine the points I would use to skewer it on my website review. After reading it from front to back, I found this bible to be short and to the point, amazing, impressive. The 22 pages were packed with metaphysical thought, creeds, and philosophical comparisons with other religions, told to us by Terrence747. I wasn’t fooled by his name, nor did I care. The text was the oeuvre. Still, I had no reservation calling Terrence747 Bugs Bunny, Roger Rabbit, or Peter Rabbit.

I thought I’d lost it paying money, even a dollar, to purchase this new and improved bible. (By comparison, my Testament has about 2,000 pages to read.) For me, it was a Nancy Pelosi moment. You don’t need to read 2,000 pages to find out what it says. To paraphrase our dear Congresswoman: once God makes it operational, you’ll understand it. How you ask? As a sinner, God puts a stick of dynamite down your pants, waits for penance, and incinerates you if you fail to repent.

But wait. How do we know the Church of the Animated Bunny is the truer church? Unlike others, they don’t claim to be the true religion or church. Therefore, for knowing this fact, they’re a truer church. This was great stuff. Terrence went one step further. He sermonized that we can make society whole by being obedient to God’s first and last commandment, “Thou shalt disobey me.” That commandment was a bell ringer in my head. It was original.

Terrence tells us that karma is now our master. A universal juxtaposition rules all our moral decisions: the Golden Rule of “Do unto others…” or “an eye for an eye….” Imposed is fairness in our relationship with our fellow humans. The karma differs when we exercise our free will. Terrence tells us to shoot for the top, aiming our actions for a position of win-win. We’ll hit the other three on occasions, says our leader. Just work to gain the win-win position in whatever endeavor you try.

I recommend that you not get caught owning this book. Doze off to sleep with the Bunny Bible under your pillow. Hope your grandchildren play the tooth fairy and steal it away from your Kindle, and leave a dollar.