Posts Tagged ‘raising children’

Parental Lessons

Posted 08 Sep 2010 — by admin
Category Uncategorized

Can you accept and love your children who live a life style which you despise to your inner core? May I suggest a family member with a spiked green Mohawk, ink head-to-foot, a face full of protruding facial studs that belong on a snazzy tuxedo shirt, and clothes worthy of a Halloween costume? Can you accept and love your children who live in hatred of your moral codes, your religious or political beliefs? Dare I say a child saying, “God who, peace, freedom, the president is an asshole;” a daughter high on dope sitting spread eagle ready to happily administer a gang bang. If you answered yes or no, you’re in serious trouble.

Let me be philosophical. From a father’s prospective, if your daughter rides in a motorcycle gang as someone’s bitch, are you happy about birthing a decadent child? Abstract philosophy will help us understand the question of unconditional love, but may not be helpful to relieve the pain. A little recall may help answer the question: Did my wife ride in a motorcycle gang as somebody’s bitch?  Statistics say, it’s a 70% chance the answer is yes.

As child to a parent, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Hey, I understand and expect all parents not to be upset by a child’s abnormal life style. We supplied the genes. We supplied the culture. We supplied beliefs. We supplied the community surroundings. We supplied the family unit. We supplied 3rd party persons as leaders to teach in our stead. We cannot do all the work of upbringing. School teachers, TV, spiritual leaders, celebrities, music, books: Did we allow the surrogates to mold our child in concert with our efforts? If you answer no, your answer speaks as a stranger to your child. If you answered yes, you’re in a band of gypsies, persons who lead unconventional lives. Do you know of a happier group of people on Earth?

I’ve also faced the most difficult task in my life: to love my children unconditionally. Part of that love contains unpleasant moments and parts. There are no set of rules that apply to each child. Some children grow to be smarter than you, some are disabled, some never reach a satisfaction which life offers. Psychologists on TV opine about micro issues which may help. The macro issues are the world. How do we teach children how to live on this planet? Thousands of issues make up the world. You start by teaching what you know, but no one knows everything. Working together with a child looking for answers teaches, not only the child, but you as well. Discovering a facet of life together: Is there anything more worthwhile?

May I suggest reading “A Tree Grows in Brooklyn,” by Betty Smith. In Chapter 9, the author narrates a story about Katie, a young woman and mother of a day old child, admitting she knows nothing about being a parent. Her mother, Mary Rommely, describes how she was raised in a peasant family, unable to read or write. She wanted to have it better, so she read books she learned were important. Her advice continues and is most inspiring. Her narration is most unconventional and relevant. As a successful father, I encourage you to read what was written almost 70 years ago.