Posts Tagged ‘money’

The Printing Press at Full Speed

Posted 28 Jun 2012 — by admin
Category Uncategorized

I wrote an earlier blog, just before the 2010 elections, about what the inside of a factory, printing money looks like and how it operates. As a service to my readers, I reviewed the earlier blog and realized I left out an important detail. I felt an obligation to bring you up to date.

I said the printing presses were running to print more money to flow into the economy—hoping the investment bankers will use it to buy stocks and keep demand high to sustain higher stock prices. It makes the incumbent look good. What I forgot to mention was the printing press’ speed. It runs at low, medium, and high, never off. Hairdryers by comparison have three speeds and shut off: the motor and the hot air. If the presses shut down, our climbing federal debt would come to a halt. Should a printing press break down as a result of its enslavement, the slave masters have other printing press on standby, ready to be whipped and forced into running at high speed. Slacking off is not permitted.

I learned you can’t repair a printing press. Let me mention the aftermath, the burial. The noise, the groans of pain went silent. It had sounded so human, I began to cry. Especially painful was learning the process of dismantling the corpse. The machine would not be buried intact or cremated, but instead torn apart, limb by limb or piece of steel by piece of steel. When I heard about how they removed the screws, I began to cringe. The eulogy, I’ve learned from rumor, will be delivered by the Secretary of the Treasury, Timothy Geitner. His remarks will I’m sure cite the machine’s years of faithful duty, many times beyond the call of duty. I’ve also learned the cause of death was the printing press being forced to run at high speed 24/7 since Franklin Roosevelt was president.

Goodbye, brave soul. You saved for too long the asses of enough Treasury Secretaries. Let someone else do it.

Wow. I’m in the money!

Posted 31 Jan 2012 — by admin
Category Uncategorized

What would be your reaction, if one day you wake up, and learn that an amount of money beyond your wildest dreams awaits you to spend, as you please? Might you be the type of person that would immediately jump up and down and scream in a state of wild excitement, or are you the type that would keep an outward state of calm while inwardly jumping up and down and screaming in a state of wild excitement? Psychologists call this reaction, hearing about a pot of money soon to land in your lap, by the scientific name of ‘Exuberance, due to luck.’ A scientific label is necessary, otherwise you’d be accused of being a ranting nut job before the world realized your good fortune. Wouldn’t it be better for you to run around in circles and yell, ‘I’ve got a medical condition called, ‘Exuberance, due to luck.’ Today, everything in life is compartmentalized.

Exuberance can’t last forever. You’re still high, just not as high as you were earlier. So your next reaction is the spoken ‘I can’t believe it’ or the lightheadedness before fainting. ‘Exuberance, due to luck, numero deux’ is the official name. Try not to injure yourself.

The next stage unfortunately requires some effort. That’s hard to believe considering the money that awaits you will transfer you into a new work classification, retirement. In such a state of euphoria, pliers will be needed to reshape your over smiling face back to a normal expression. Or consider using a plastic surgeon.

More downside from euphoria surfaces, and a new formula emerges: Euphoria, due to luck, minus Skepticism. Before, dollar signs played a wishful thinking role in your dreams. Now, the news brought a real number into the open. A number in a dream with many zeros and commas changes from an abstract thought to a reality. But will it happen? Clarity arrives and merging the metaphors of hot money and cold cash will have to wait. Skepticism produces the sweat, the dry mouth. Drinking water won’t help. Getting your hands on the money will cure all ailments.

You’ve reached another stage, and matters must move quickly. State the obvious, ‘Where is the money?’ We need to eliminate the element of uncertainty and get to the equation, ‘I’m exuberant, due to luck. Tell me where the money is located.’ This stage in the process is crucial. Otherwise, all would be recreation knowing no sum of money exists at your disposal. Worse yet, if the Grinch takes away your bonanza, handkerchiefs or paper tissues would be the windfall to prevent the oceans of tears from dripping onto clothing. It’s bad enough to have a ‘hit the jackpot’ bonanza ripped away from you. Getting a nasty cold caused by wearing wet clothes is irrational.

Before running to the bank to claim our fortune, we have overlooked a crucial question that needs an answer. Will the money make you happy? When I receive the money, will I return to a high state of euphoria? The pertinent question begs, if the money runs out, will I still be happy? Hopefully, you can say, I spent all the money on gimcracks. It was a hell of a run.

Stay tuned for the next installment: ‘Who are the fortunate recipients and how did they earn the claim to the good fortune?’