Maintaining That Girlish Figure

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Posted 18 Aug 2010 in Uncategorized

People often ask how I’ve maintained my girlish figure for so long. If you saw me, no bulging stomach droops over the belt. No fat arms hang from the biceps. Genes count, and I attribute a lot of success to my parents. They passed me genes which never allow a 10 pound overweight condition. (By the way, my parents never looked overweight.) That’s about as scientific as it gets.

Now that I’ve reached a senior citizen age, nothing has really changed. I look trim. I drink alcoholic beverages and eat rich food. I sometimes overindulge, eating fatty and other high caloric foods. Sometimes I notice the waist on my trousers get a bit tight, and have to notch out the belt. My arms develop a muscular fat of a wannabe body builder. My facial cheeks puff, as does my backside cheeks. No, I’m not using steroids.

A bell rings, alerting me that I have reached the extra 10 pound overweight limit. I march in front of a mirror and confess I look like Porky Pig, complete with ears atop my head. Eventually a gatekeeper appears, holding up a sign, saying I’m not allowed to enter into the overweight domain. He cautions me to slow down on eating. I listen, preferring my clothes to wear from use, not ripped stitches. An automatic switch flips, waking my metabolic genie who says, ‘I’m back. I’ll take it from here.’

Truthfully, the pounds didn’t dissolve by themselves. It started with my wife pointing out, ‘You’re overweight. The seams on your pants are ready to split.’ Her underlining warning means I’d have to buy a new wardrobe. Her silent warnings were, ‘How much mortgage money do you plan to spend on new clothes?’ or ‘I can’t stand your fat ass. I’m looking for a younger man.’ Simultaneously, my inner voice speaks about practical measures. ‘Have you priced clothes lately?’ Or my armchair medical voice warns. ‘You’re vulnerable to Onset Diabetes.’ With my full attention gained, weight control becomes my main priority.

I dusted off my weight reduction remedy. It’s straightforward and I’m happy to share it with you. Exercise, especially the stomach muscles. Bike riding and Yoga are great. No muscle building programs are recommended. Remember, a sore abdomen will encourage you to skip meals. So will an ongoing body chill. It takes your mind off food. Just to be sure, less eating equates to less weight. You won’t be able to tell if the pain experienced is from exercising or pain from eating less.

Next comes eating healthy. Bread is bad, but worse are high fructose victuals. Carbonated beverages and chocolate bars are obvious. Read the labels. If it says high fructose, throw it away. High sugar content should be avoided. Drink water.

Avoid red meat. What you’ll hear is meat is protein and doesn’t contain calories. Let’s analyze this. Go to a steakhouse restaurant, order a New York Strip Steak cooked medium, pink on the inside. When it arrives in its sizzling platter, stare at it. After 2 minutes, ask yourself if you think the steak has zero calories or 4,000 calories. One or the other, no in between. The steak may be protein—so what. It’s laced with fat and calories galore. If this makes no sense, stare at the steak for another 2 minutes and ask the same question, does the steak have zero calories or 4,000 calories. A recommended action would be to shoot anyone who claims steaks contain no calories.

Eat fruit and vegetables, eat yogurt to sooth the stomach. The key is walking around with some stomach pain between meals. Remember Neanderthals did not boast beer bellies. They went hungry between meals which might have been days. The stomach will adjust to less food. When you reach a desired weight goal, always carry a tinge of hunger. It’ll keep the pounds from returning.

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